Most don’t realize that I have had a double masectomy (the removal of breast tissue). There are a few different paths people can take: (1) Implants, (2) Transflap (tummy tuck), (3) Prosthetic for the bra and (4) Saying: “I don’t need anything” and going without having replacements.
The first time I was diagnosed, time was not on my side due to the fact that it took about six months to diagnose me. The most obvious choice for me was to have a transflap masectomy because I was afraid of waking up from surgery seeing myself without anything on my chest. Side Note – I am a medical chicken. I consider true horror and gore watching the Miracle of Birth and pretty much any medical pictures. What I didn’t know at the time is that you can only have that surgery done once due to the extensive nature of it. I’m pretty sure a woman thought of the idea, while a man figured out how to do it, which is why it’s so intense.
But for most people that is where there story ends. Unfortunately, that is where mine begins. When the cancer came back about two years later, I ended up needing to go the implant route for the other side. But since things do not seem to go on the smooth path for me (the radiation I underwent years earlier broke down my skin cells so much that they couldn’t handle the implant. It literally broke my skin when trying to expand it. And believe me I have never had images of myself as a d-cup. Only a full-c). Needless to say, right now I am currently in a weird place.
I have a temp-implant on my right side and on my left a breast I am continually trying to heal a hole from radiation and an implant. Only the original fat from my stomach acts as a breast, so it does have the appearance of an a-cup. It’s a weird thing because in one sense its nice to know something is there, but it also triggers sadness because I struggle to figure out should I stuff my bra (when I actually wear one) or just accept it.
I change my mind every other day but currently I am deciding to not give up on a solution. Right now, the solution a few doctors have given me would be to have a back skin graft done to help with good skin cells on my left side. But I don’t accept that. Before any further surgery is done I will make sure I know every option that is out there. For now, I have learned to not stuff but rather try to find clothes that won’t make me need to make that choice. I didn’t stuff in elementary school and I’m not starting now.