I think its extremely hard to thank people who are there in the rough times. When people do something amazingly awesome for me (that hinges on me having cancer) I have this tendency to over appreciate and give them a pass to do anything they want. I consider this over appreciating which sometimes can lead to a path of long lasting unhealthy servitude
There is nothing wrong in respecting the fact someone took time out of their day to go above and beyond for you in a time of need. But that does not mean you have to spend a lifetime returning the favor. It ends up making you want to go it alone since you don’t want to pay the associated cost.
I cannot begin to count how many times I have fallen into this cycle. It is a tad bit harder for me because I tend to have a hero complex. If I could save everyone either from them self or stupid situations I would. So, this jacks me up when I simply can’t do something for myself.
Sometimes it has even caused hard feelings amongst friends. Because the ones who are always there feel slightest when someone who did one thing seemingly gets shown more appreciation. Or they watch when I begin to get walked on because the one time giver becomes a taker.
All these things can cause stress.
The bottom line is that the principle art of friendship is giving/taking. There should be no tab of kind deeds or attempt to keep up with what someone does (this does not mean staying complacent in friendship either). Allow people to help, that may be their own personal healing technique in them understanding the changes happening to you. But don’t allow anyone to begin to take advantage.
Veganism (n.) the practice of abstaining from and adopting a philosophy against the use and consumption of animal products.
I remember in 7th grade someone asked me if I was a prep or a guido. I looked down at my New Kids on the Block (NKOTB) sweatshirt (don’t judge, it was the late 80s) and thought, are those my only two options?
I guess I’ve never been much for labels. And as you get older, the labels just get more pretentious. Are you a vegetarian or a vegan? An ovo-lacto vegetarian? A pescatarian perhaps? How about just a plain old carnivore.
I was a vegetarian off and on throughout college and then I moved to Europe where vegetarian meant not eating red meat. I went with it. I did a stint as a strict vegan: no eggs, no diary, no honey (I never quite figured out what the whole honey deal was though). I’ve learned by trial and error. Truly more error than trial.
Like the time I went in search of non-diary creamer for my sacred cup of morning coffee. Let me say here—for all you soy consumers—that I am a big fan of soy. Beans, milk, sauce. Healthy, animal-friendly. What’s not to like? So, I thought, soy creamer—awesome. With high hopes, I put on a fresh pot, poured in the milk-like substance and…it tasted like a sock.
Do your homework. Make informed decisions. Know what is best for YOU. You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. I ate milk chocolate today after buying soy milk. I own leather boots but don’t have a mink stole–mostly because I don’t know where I would ever wear a mink stole but also because fur just seems more animal-y to me than leather. It is not.
So, maybe I am a cheating vegan. Or not even a vegan at all. But I have learned that I need to be making better choices for my body and they don’t have to be the same ones you are making for yours.
Who am I to judge? I liked NKOTB. I clearly don’t get a vote.