Guilty Pleasures

Have you ever heard that song by Destiny’s Child? The one what goes “can’t pay my bills, can’t pay my telephone bills, can’t pay my automo-bills!” (well, that’s my version of the song). I am very familiar with that singular line.

I admit to not being the best at budgeting but cancer has definitely made keeping up with day-to-day finances even more challenging. It’s the idea that you have to budget for something you didn’t ask for nor do you want. At least with student loans you’re paying for something you wanted to do and got a lot out of (okay, some so out of it).

Even with great insurance, there are still many out of pocket expenses that come with trying to become more health minded (supplements, organic foods, going to a nutritionist or because you have maxed out your insurance for the year). Now throw in being single, in a single-income home and YIKES we’re talking instant blood pressure spike. THEN sprinkle on top of that gas, carfare for traveling to treatment, a dash of day-to-day bills – heat, electricity, water, etc. Like is expensive and it’s even more expensive paying for a life with cancer.

What you’re about to read is very controversial. It may make you feel uncomfortable but it’s time to throw it out there. You deserve to do nice things for yourself. My brother used to tell me “no one will treat you better than you”. I’m still trying to learn and understand how to apply that to all aspects of my life (in a reasonable way) but it does strike a chord especially dealing with this enforced craziness.

Treating yourself may mean splurging on your favorite candy treat, enjoying a nice meal, a weekend getaway, buying a book or making time to read it. For me, it’s going dancing, spending time with friends, purchasing that dress that I can never find an occasion for but really want, creating a new playlist for my iPod, shutting the world off and watching a good Better Davis movie. My list goes on and varies.

There are ways to be good to yourself without breaking the bank, buy maybe it means calling a creditor and negotiating a smaller breakdown of payments. This will allow you a chance for a little treasure. This can make the difference of that fine line of sanity and a full mental breakdown. How long can you possibly last if you never address the fact of needing to be your own cheerleader even when you have a network of people cheering you on? So fund what will give you a moments pleasure and sit back, close your eyes and enjoy that guilty pleasure.

Can Your Mojo Really Get Dusty?

I recently went to the doctor and my nurse asked me if I was dating someone and I looked at her in amazement and saids “and why would I do that?”

Now, I’m not sure how other single people feel who have cancer but even the moments I feel lonely and would love at least a cuddle buddy, I am not that motivated to actively do something about it.

The movie 50/50 actually did a fantastic job of showing the awkwardness in trying to date but also show some of the issues that may come with an attempt at intimacy.
For me its a bit of a catch 22 happening. I feel like its important to not allow cancer to change you but there is also a consideration which would be great if the person you were attempting to deal just naturally had.

In the end, it is a personal decision to know when or if your ready. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I am told I need to be open or make myself available to someone.
My current constant hangouts are the following:

  •  bus ( I commute about 2.5 to 3 hours total daily)
  • Work (9 to 10 hours but that just wouldn’t work)
  • Hospital for treatment (fluctuates between 3 to 18 hours monthly)

With all that spare time, I should be able meet my future mate, and at least had three to four dates. Unless it is a relationship solely based on skype or texting time then I guess that most likely won’t work.

However, that doesn’t mean I can’t do some experimentation. My personal challenge is to make sure I wear a billboard and flashing lights to declare my availability.